nearly 20 Americans are subject to physical abuse by their intimate partners every minute. This is more than 10,000,000 women and men per year.
It has been hard to adjust to a COVID world . This is especially true for domestic violence victims who are forced to live with their abusers. Coronavirus, which brought a new wave of domestic violence cases to the U.S., caused by unemployment, evictions, job loss and sickness, as well as sickness. One in three women and four men are already victims of physical violence from their intimate partners.
Melanie Carlson is a Ph.D. student at Michigan State University. She studies domestic violence and poverty.
It is no surprise that domestic violence survivors can have difficulty adjusting to a new world after abuse.
Recognizing the signs of abuse
Because of its manipulative and deceptive nature, domestic abuse can be difficult to recognize.
Tracie Carter, TRC Counseling Services, a licensed clinical social worker, tells us that abuse can have a different impact on every individual. It can vary depending on the severity and frequency of the abuse, the victims’ mental/physical health, and their victimization history.
“Statistics have shown that an average victim needs to leave an abusive relationship seven times, and they can leave with nothing but their clothes,” Melissa Hoppmeyer, chief of the Special Victims Unit, and cohost of the Zero Grey Zone Podcast, which focuses on domestic violence. Domestic violence is a form of power and control over the victim. An abuser can use multiple power and control methods, such as financial abuse, isolation, gaslighting and violence.
There are many forms of domestic violence .
Emotional
Emotional abuse manipulates emotions through shame, guilt, shame, blame and control. A person who attacks and reduces their self-control can make them more dependent on the abuser. It is so common that almost half of American men and women have suffered from psychological aggression from their partner.
Raffi Bilek LCSW-C is Director of the Baltimore Therapy Center as well as the Montgomery County Abuse Intervention Program. The truth is that psychological abuse is often the most damaging. With constant criticism and belittling, abusers often destroy victims’ confidence in their own thinking processes and their ability trust themselves.
Carlson says that emotional abuse can have a devastating effect on survivors’ self-worth, making them feel incapable of being independent.
Verbal
Verbal abuse, which uses words to bully, degrade, and threaten others, is another type of domestic violence. Verbal abuse can include yelling and name-calling, and it is common for college-aged women to report verbal abuse from a partner.
“Domestic abuse may take many forms,” says Sabrina Shaheen Cronin, a family law attorney at The Cronin Law Firm. These forms can appear suddenly or over time. Verbal abuse, if it is from childhood, is easier to tolerate from others later in life. This could be bosses, friends or romantic partners and even children.
Physical
Intentional bodily injury is caused by physical abuse. This can include hitting, slapping or biting another person.
One in three women and four men have experienced physical abuse by their intimate partners.
Financial
Economic abuse refers to the seizing of control over finances. This includes withholding or restricting access or stopping a victim working or going to school.
Carlson adds that some survivors remain with their abusers because of economic necessity. They may feel worse off if they leave, and they might lose the ability to share resources.
Cronin concurs based on her experiences with victims. Money is often used to control the abusive spouse if the abuse is more suppressive, oppressive, or controlling. The spouse controlling money must look to the controller to get an allowance or to have money to buy groceries, kids’ things, or just a manicure.
Common problems when you leave your abuser
It is difficult to leave an abusive relationship. When someone is abused, there are many challenges.
Fear
Ron Blake describes himself as a “blue-collar male domestic abuse survivor”, currently working with the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence. He shares his personal experience with domestic violence.
Fear – fear of the unknown is the most common problem for survivors. He says that we all experience this. The fear of losing our job, our business, our money, or our home. Fear of losing the love of your life, and of never trusting again. Fear that we won’t ever understand “Why?”
Fear is what abusers thrive on, and the fear can quickly become almost crippling for victims. Fear of what lies after abuse can also be a factor. Abusers are more violent when victims leave to try to keep control.
Love
It takes time for love to blossom and disappear. You must love yourself more to get the help that you need and find the love you deserve.
Financial dependence
60%% of victims of domestic violence lose their jobs due to abuse. It can be difficult to leave without stable employment, especially if the abuser takes control of any savings or funds you have. Victims can also sue their abusers to assert their control.
Manufacture shortage
Financial dependence can be made more difficult by an abuser in many ways.
- You can withhold essentials such as food, clothing and medication, or shelter.
- Refusal or refusal to cooperate with court-ordered assistance, such as child support or spousal support
- Access to personal belongings such as phones or computers must be prevented
- Stolen or destroyed belongings
Victims can feel trapped if they don’t have the resources to make it better.
Children’s impact
It can be difficult to leave a household with children.
Cronin says that victims of abuse often find it difficult to end a relationship. They believe it is better to stay in abusive relationships but to be together than to separate. They will sacrifice their well-being to make the best for the children.
Cronin warns that it can be a terrible thing for your child. “Regardless of whether the child is abused, they are still experiencing emotional abuse and mental trauma in various ways, and are often affected for the rest of their lives. Because this trauma is deeply embedded in their personality, psyche, and conscious and subconscious minds, it can take years to heal.
An astonishing 90% of children living in domestic violence households are witnesses to the abuse. As many as 60% have been abused. This can lead to them becoming victims of their own abuse, as one in 10 high-school students has experienced intimate partner violence. A study showed that children who grew up in a household of domestic violence were 15 times more likely than their parents to have been physically or sexually assaulted.
This is just one reason it is crucial for an abuse parent to leave the situation.
What happens if you leave?
It is rarely an easy decision to leave. To ensure safe departure, it can take time and preparation.
During abuse
- Keep your money safe.
- Create an emergency bag.
You can fill a bag with your essentials, and keep it safe from your abuser. - Get your prepaid phone.
Pay-as you-go phones can be purchased with cash and allow for secure conversations, even if your partner is not present. - Secure important documents.
All important paperwork that you need for your child and yourself should be collected or made copies. You may need documentation such as passports, birth certificates and social security cards. - Prepare for your escape.
To help you escape safely, create a safety program. This could include anything from planning alternative exits to coordination with law enforcement. - Contact local law enforcement.
Local law enforcement may be able to help you with a police escort or a protective order. If you are in trouble, you can request for the police to be present. You can ask your local police for help. - Ask your loved ones and family to help.
Make sure you share your plans with trusted friends and family members. Also, make clear instructions to ensure that your escape plan is not threatened.
Hoppmeyer is Chief of Special Victims. He says, “You should go where your abuser wouldn’t look for you.” “Tell very few people what you are doing, change your number, and disable location services. VictimsVoice, Ur Safe and Safe are two apps that can help you report any stalking or abuse.
Securing Transportation
Transport is an essential step towards independent living. Domestic violence shelters often offer phones to victims in order to assist them with their daily needs. A key step in getting a car is to get separate auto insurance policies and to remove yourself from any existing joint auto policies. Because policyholders can be held responsible for any damage or monetary compensation if there is an accident, or if the ex-partner gets sued, joint auto policies pose a risk. This section will discuss some of the options for those who want to purchase a car.
Charity Cars
Many domestic violence charities partner with car donation programs to provide free cars to those who have lost their means and are unable or unwilling to pay for a vehicle. Although these organizations may require applicants to be granted a car, the Domestic Violence Helpline can provide assistance. They can connect victims with the right resources and help them navigate the process. For those who are willing and able, these sites have information on how to donate a vehicle.
Cars Grants/Discounted Pricing
Funding for domestic violence victims is available at all levels of government, including the state and local level. This map gives detailed information about state-specific grants available to assist with car financing and/or people getting out of violent or abusive situations.
You can also contact private organizations that make it their mission help victims of domestic violence and families with lower incomes get a car.
Rideshares to Domestic Violence Victims
Uber and Lyft, national rideshare companies, are committed to domestic violence victims through free rides throughout the United States. Uber has partnered up with many domestic violence organizations to offer 50,000 rides to shelters for victims and 45,000 meals free of charge. LyftUp offers $1.5 million worth of ride credits to domestic violence victims through LyftUp.
You can find more information about these programs here.
Avoiding homelessness
For those fleeing domestic violence, it is important to avoid homelessness. Over 90% of homeless women have been victims of serious physical or sexual violence. Studies also show that 38% of housing recipients from local domestic programs are children.
Carlson states that one of the most difficult challenges for domestic violence survivors is “finding somewhere safe to go” and “navigating how you will get resources you might lose when you leave.”
There are many ways to find a safe spot to stay.
- Search for shelter.
For domestic violence survivors, there are many shelters available across the country. They may even be able to help you find a permanent residence for your family. - Get counseling.
Domestic violence survivors are more likely to commit suicide and suffer from depression than those who were not victims. 35% less of the victims of domestic violence are treated by medical professionals, which can lead to permanent injuries.
Planning for the future is the best way to ensure a healthy and secure future.
Living with your loved ones
After escaping abusive situations, many IPV survivors will temporarily live with their family. These tips will make it easier for everyone to adjust.
- Clear communication is key.
Keep in touch with your family members and tell them about your life. - Get a protective order.
A domestic violence protective order can be issued by local police near your new residence. - Show the warning signs.
Your hosts should be able to understand the risks and can assist you in identifying warning signs from your abuser. - Create a safe place.
Create a private space for comfort in your home to reduce stress levels.
Once you own your space,
There are certain things you can do once you own your home.
- Invest in extra security.
You can make sure that your abuser doesn’t get into your new home by adding security features to it. You can also save money by having your property secured. Homeowners insurance Renters or homeowners insurance premiums- Add Ring to your doorbell.
Ring doorbells provide live audio and video recording, as well as full-service security monitoring. - Install security bars on doors.
When you have to flee an intruder, a door security bar will save precious seconds. - Wear work boots outdoors.
The presence of work boots on the front porch indicates that there is a man living in the house who might be able fight off an intruder. - Timed lights can be used to create the illusion that someone is at home.
Timed lights are a great way to keep your home illuminated and prevent burglary even when you aren’t there.
- Add Ring to your doorbell.
- Locate an online counselor.
Online counseling can be provided on your own schedule. - Tell your employer.
Abusers can be unpredictable. Inform your employer about your situation to get support if necessary. - You might consider a restraining or limiting order.
You can file a restraining or temporary order if you believe your abuser poses a threat to your safety or that of your child. - Stay in touch with your family and friends
Sometimes, survivors must cut off communication with loved ones following a violent event. As time goes by, it is important to keep in touch with loved ones for support and security.
Carter shares some other tips that she has learned from her direct experience with survivors. She advises that you ensure your home has at least one exit. “Do not go above the third floor in an apartment complex if you have to escape from the balcony, or the first floor to gain entry to the apartment.
These resources will help you get on your feet again.
Create a safe refuge at home
It is not hard to see why your home is your sanctuary. Celebrate this fact by making it yours.
- Decorate in your favorite colors. Choose soothing colors like blue and green for the bathroom and bedroom, and brighter, more energetic colors such as yellow, orange and red for more lively spaces.
- Decorate your home with positive thoughts and pictures of family members. To make your space personal and comfortable, add pillows and blankets.
Bottom line
We turn to the experts for the final word.
Courage comes from facing your fears. Victims can be strong, they are survivors. Cronin says that once victims leave, they can continue to face the challenge of becoming stronger and more competent within themselves. They become warriors.” You are not the only one. You are strong, courageous, and a survivor. Believe it, then say it. Then, do it.
Blake, a domestic violence survivor himself, shares his advice to survivors’ families. Allow us to share our abuse stories and have a safe space to talk. Show support. Show compassion and love. Don’t make judgements. He urges us to surround ourselves with resources. “We will make the best decisions about what lies ahead. Keep being there for us.”
You will notice that your world will begin to normalize as you start to feel more secure, safe, and hopeful.