“Heartbreak” evokes tension, fear, and anxiety. It is hard to imagine anyone wishing to lose a loved person, feel rejected or experience the empty space that comes with the loss. It is frightening to think about this type of loss and the pain that comes with it. It is terrifying to think about the unavoidable loss of a loved one. Despite all the complex factors that influence relationships in today’s world heartbreak is almost inevitable.
Many people react to the loss of a loved one or anticipate a loss. They tense up or shut down their hearts to try to escape the pain. People also use alcohol, drugs, work and compulsive internet usage to self-medicate. All of these are ways to suppress, suppress, or numb the deepest feelings in their hearts.
It takes courage and support to sit with the fear and pain of a broken heart. The journey to the void is one that heroes have taken, but we don’t have many examples. Instead of fearing that we will be destroyed by the void, we are willing to take a chance if it is worth it.
It’s said that “what doesn’t kill you makes it stronger”, and this is true even when there’s been a loss of love. There have been many stories about people who died from broken hearts. As happens when a partner dies or leaves, the other partner also soon passes away. Another, less visible, but equally effective, response is to accept the loss and make yourself whole. This is illustrated in the image below. It is very frightening to try it. It can cause us to burn or worse, even take our lives. The fire can purify us, and we can burn off any layers that are hindering our ability to grow or evolve.
It is difficult to find the right balance between our deepest emotions and the heat of the moment. Another skill that is vital to our spiritual, emotional, and mental health is slowing down and getting grounded.
If we’re faced with enough loss and enough heartbreak, then we have enough opportunities to learn to accept and face this type of pain and overwhelm. We can even transform it to open our hearts and minds to the possibility of healing.
Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, I have had many, many chances to experience heartbreak in my lifetime. My heart breaks open and tears through when I fully embrace the pain, anger, fear, the void, and the unknown.
Sometimes I feel like I have been training for the emotional Olympics without conscious choice. I gained an emotional resilience that I couldn’t have imagined and found myself back in the emotional embodying gym. But, I am now stronger because I had the inner strength and the courage to ride the rapids and feel the emotions that deep loss can evoke. The pearl that I have found within this oyster is a deeper compassion for me, my loved one, as well as for all the people in my life.
To be able to let go of what I once believed was a mutual love, I now try to put myself in the shoes of my loved one. Even if it’s not what I understand, I try to accept that it is exactly what my loved one had to do. If I truly love someone, I want the best for them. If they are not happy, it is okay to let them go.
Although this does not make losing any easier, it has given me peace. It is the peace that comes from living my love and being true to myself.
I learned to ask my loved ones to show me respect and to have a process that I can let go. For me, the most difficult thing is to “cut off something sacred.” This can also happen with sudden deaths, which I am well aware. A loved one can be gone in a flash. I experienced this when my 17-year-old mentor died from a heart attack several years ago. However, a quick death is not possible. Both parties can set aside some time to transition and allow them to consciously work together with their final time in the spirit of letting it go.
You can make this transition with love, appreciation, and respect. It is easier to let go of love than any other method. It is easier for me to hold on tight and then let go before I am released into the unknown. This may be what it is like to be a child, going through the birth canal on the way to being born. In this way, the process of losing a loved one and breaking down the heart is like being reconstituted, or being reborn.
It is better to break through a broken heart than to hold on tight to the tension caused by fear, pain, loss. Tension can cause stress and tax the heart. It is easier to let go of the tension that I hold in my body if I am held. Holding hands, both physically and emotionally, allows the deepest emotions to flow through. A loving touch or embrace can be the best way to let go of what you hold most dear.
When our loved ones are able to listen to us and hold us close, and to care for our souls while we grieve, the sanctuary of the love that has been the best in our relationship can be the birth chamber. Instead of feeling isolated and rejected, it can be a place where the warmth and comfort of our connection can transform into the safe haven of our true love. This kind of journey is not for everyone. Sometimes, a loved one may be unable to bear the pain and fear of leaving.
It takes courage to leave a relationship when you are at your full heart power. It can be transformative to hold hands with your partner, put yourself in their shoes mentally and emotionally, and have compassion for both sides of this heartbreaking coin. The ability to love and break open a broken heart can lead to a deeper connection with oneself, one’s truth and, perhaps ironically, the loved one, even during separation. This allows for the deepest love in your soul to continue even when the relationship is over.
