Life Insurance Agents Jokes – Insurance Jokes and Retirement Humor


Get rid of the frowns. You must be motivated to sell insurance. To get your day off to a good start, try some humor medication. Enjoy some insurance humor while you relax. A little humor or a smile can make a difficult day a bit easier.

1. Three Wishes A life-insurance financial advisor walks along the shore and comes across a strangely shaped bottle. He tries to read the label by rubbing it. Instantly, a genuine-to-goodness Genie appears. He is puzzled when the Genie announces, “I will grant three wishes to you, but because Satan is my greatest enemy, every wish that I grant you, I will give you double.” He pondered the possibilities and was a financial advisor before he spoke.

The first wish was for $20,000,000 in cash. “Granted,” said the genie. Your rival has $40,000,000 cash. The second wish was for the best Ferrari. Instantly, a new Ferrari is driven up to the huge pile of cash. The Genie responds, “2 new Ferraris will arrive at your competitor’s business in minutes.” The insurance financial stops for a while, as he doesn’t want his rival to be ahead of him. Finally, he tells the Genie that it is his last wish.

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“What is your last name?” The Genie questions him and then reminds him that his request will be doubled for his rival. The insurance financial advisor replies. “I would like to donate one kidney for transplant.”

2. KEEP IN SHAPE Insurance agents will always advise you to stay in good shape. My grandmother started walking five miles per day at the age of 60. Today, she’s 97 and we don’t know where she is.” Ellen DeGeneres

3. LEARNING INSURED TRICKS A life insurance salesperson looking for a boost turns towards his friend, a successful vacuum salesperson. He says to his buddy, “Selling can be easy. You don’t even have leads. All you need is their attention.” He invites the life insurance agent to join him.

The salesmen appear at the elderly lady’s home. The vacuum salesman rushes into the living area and spreads a lot of dirt on the carpet before the lady can speak. He assuredly stated, “If the new vacuum doesn’t pick up all of it, then I’ll eat all of it.” The woman loses patience and says, “Sir! If I had enough money to purchase that thing, I would pay my electricity bill before they cut off.” What would you rather have: a spoon, or a knife and fork?

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4. SURVIVAL AWARD A representative for insurance was filling out an application when he reached the section on health history. He inquired about his client’s grandfather’s death. His client gave a startling response. “I want to die in bed like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling as the passengers in his car.”

5. PREMIUM PAYMENTS Life insurance arrives in the mail with a note and a blank premium slip. The note mentions that her husband’s life insurance policy must be cancelled. She wrote, “We have always paid it on time.” She wrote that her husband died suddenly, and she is now unable to pay the bill because of financial hardship.

6. RETIRED INSURANCE AGENT A former insurance agent is awaiting anesthesia for heart surgery. He insists his son, a surgeon, perform the operation. He signals to son. His son questions him, “Yes Dad, what is it?” The retired agent replied, “Don’t worry about it, just do your best. If something goes wrong, remember that your mother will still live with you and the rest of your life.”

7. PERSISTENT AGENT He turns to the life agent and tells him, “You should feel very honored about the opportunity to speak with you.” He adds, “So far today my secretary has turned away seven insurance agents!” The agent replied, “I know, they’re mine.”

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8. THREE OLD MEN THREE retired men were discussing the topic. One was an insurance executive, the other a minister and the third was a retired hairstylist. It was discussed what their grandchildren might think of them in 40 years. The insurance executive stated, “I would love to recall how successful he was in selling insurance.” The minister then said, “I want them all to remember that he was a faithful family man.” The hairdresser replied, “Me?, they all should say that he looks great for his age.”

9. LATE PROPOSAL Charlie, now 86, was happy to live in a Miami nursing home. He became more happy each day after meeting Martha Jean, age 78. He fell in love with her eventually. He finally got the courage to get down on his knees and tell her that there were two things he needed to ask.

Martha Jean smiles, and replies, “Alright. Ask me.” Charlie almost sounded like he was in pain and said, “Will you mar me?” Martha Jean was delighted and exclaimed, “Yes!” She then asked Charlie his second question. Charlie managed to manage to say, “Martha Jean! Will you please get me up?”

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10. These founding principles were based on the retirement habits of 1000 insurance salespeople who retired in their fifties. These people spent 10% of their time working, 10% eating, drinking or snacking, 35% of their time sleeping, and 45% looking for things they had just a moment ago.

11. What is the best time to begin thinking about retirement? Answer: Before your boss.

12. What is the most important thing for a retired government worker? Answer: Being unable to call in sick six to seven times per month.

13. It takes how many retired people to change a lightbulb? Answer: One, but give him two to three days to finish the job.

14 “The important question isn’t when I want to retire but at what income.” George Foreman

15. There are a lot of retired managers. Peter F Drucker

Find out more about top laughing insurance jokes in our previous article. You can find additional material in an article about clean jokes for insurance agents.