To get closure on my voluntary termination of my pregnancy, it was suggested that I write a letter to my child. The idea seemed strange at first and I was unsure where to take this information. After I thought it through, however, I realized that the exercise was a way to bring my child into this world in a new way. The child I had chosen to abort wasn’t really my baby. Writing to my baby about my loss helped me feel some of my grief and loss.
I suggest you consider this a way to reconnect with your heart and seek help after an abortion. This might seem like a strange idea, so take some time to get used to it before diving in.
When you’re trying to write to a baby that you have lost through a decision, it is important that you feel safe. It is important to have a safe environment where you can reflect and be free from interruptions. Light a candle, or listen to soft music. You can feel secure while still feeling the pain of loss.
Writing should be done with the intention of writing to someone you are familiar with. If you were to write a letter to a friend, or loved one, your subconscious mind will picture them in your head. You might imagine a baby in your head and start to talk to them just as if they were actually there.
During writing, you might feel intense emotions. This is actually a good thing! Do not try to end your sadness or overwhelming feeling of loss. This writing exercise will help you to process some of your grief. You can feel sad. To get closure on your decision, you will need to feel the pain.
Here is the letter that I wrote to my child who was terminated after a voluntary termination of her pregnancy. This will hopefully give you an idea of what you should say in your journey towards closure.
Although it may seem odd to write a letter of love to your “lost loved”, once you overcome the fear, you’ll be glad that you did the exercise. Avoiding pain will only make it worse. Be courageous. You can do it!
Dear Jesse Lynn,
This is my love letter to you. Even though I have never met you, you know how much I love you. Your loss has caused me many emotions. I was young and scared, and I didn’t believe the “time” was right for you. I was in a place of my life where no one seemed to care. I chose the best route for everyone. You will be missed. Your life was like a pebble dropped into the water. My heart is broken by the sadness of the ripples that continue to rock me. Every wave is a reminder of you and your importance in our lives.
It makes me sad to think about what your life could be like. You are an energetic little girl with curly blonde hair. You are the first to go to school. I see you having fun with your friends, playing soccer, going on first dates, the prom, and finishing college as a young adult. You are elegant in the bride’s gown.
This letter is to thank you for your kind words and to say goodbye. It is obvious that I had to say hello first. Let me just say that I’m finally letting go of the pain. It’s so difficult to reach this deep place in my heart. But I know that I must go through it.